Bruce Mulkey & Shonnie Lavender’s marriage vows
Here are our marriage vows, commitments that we continue to uphold. Our wedding took place on May 30, 1999 at Bend of Ivy Lodge near Asheville, North Carolina.
Bruce’s vows
I will join you in full partnership to co-create the life we both envision.
I will join you in living consciously, purposefully, passionately, congruently.
I will join you in creating true community and a more compassionate world in which to live.
I will laugh and dance and sing and have fun with you.
I will tell you the truth even when I think you might not want to hear it, and I will hear you when you tell me your truth.
I will afford you your humanity and not expect you to always be at your best.
When you forget who you really are, I’ll remind you of your power, spirit, integrity, intelligence, creativity, athleticism and beauty.
I will remember that any anger, resentment, frustration I show toward you is more about me than about you and will refuse to hold ill will toward you.
I will be true to you and honor the commitments that we make to one another for all our days.
I will open my heart to you and love you with all my being.
Shonnie’s vows
I will be authentically me. Bringing all my gifts and challenges and willingly using all the tools I have to fully live out my life’s purpose.
I will be your mirror. Reflecting the truth and reminding you of who you are, listening attentively, with an open heart and mind as I seek to better understand and support you in fully living your life’s purpose.
I will be your helpmate. Willingly sharing our responsibilities and honors, owning my part in creating our life, readily and fully forgiving, and working together to put us back on course when we stray from our path.
I will be your partner. Treating you with respect and equality, being creative and flexible in living interdependently in a way that reflects who we are individually and as a couple.
I will be your lover. Passionate and playful, tender and loyal, sharing myself fully and nurturing our love so that we grow ever more intimate.
I will be your friend. Honest and trustworthy, compassionate and committed, sharing all that life brings us.
I will be your companion. Honoring these sacred vows as we walk together, hand in hand, heart to heart, soul to soul, for all our days, giving all that we have and being all that we are, to create a world full of peace, love, and understanding.
Are you a blamer?
“A problem between two people never belongs to just one of them.”~ Susan Page in The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive
It’s so easy for most of us to find the guilty party when we’re upset. We look for the person we’re upset with and, voila, we’ve found who we start blaming for our problem. There are many problems with having this MO, however, and no real benefits (except to our ego which can feel superior for awhile, thinking “At least I’m not a bozo like him/her.”) When we blame our partners for our hurts, anger, frustration, or general unhappiness, however, we give away our power to change the situation AND we create a barrier between ourselves and our partner.
In my case, here’s how a situation could play out. (more…)
Shifting from apathy to awe
Yesterday at Jubilee! Community the message was about shifting from apathy to awe in our lives. It was powerful and timely in many ways, and it got me to thinking about how this idea applies to our marriages–in fact it applies to all our relationships, yet I’m going to focus on our primary committed relationship.
We generally begin our married lives in awe of our partner. We’re enraptured, mesmerized, adoring of him/her and this creates a light, ebullient, connecting energy in our relationship. In this atmosphere, when problems arise, we can often flow right through them like a kayaker shimmies through a river’s turbulent rapids.
It seems, however, that many couples, lose that sense of appreciation, admiration, and (more…)
Rolling off the press very soon!
We’re so excited to pass along the news that soon–within the next two weeks–I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook, will be rolling off the printing press, ready for relationships around the globe. It’s been a year in the writing, design, and editing phase, so we’re ready to bring this baby into the world and share it with couples who want to create inspired relationships.
For those of you just now learning about the book, here are a few key facts:
- Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want had this to say, “This creative workbook will be valuable to any couple planning their marriage or recommitment. Furthermore, the post-ceremony guidance will help them transform their wedding into their marriage. I highly recommend it.”
- This workbook is for you and your partner . . . to help you create evocative and meaningful marriage vows that will serve you not only during the marriage ceremony itself but throughout your lives together. Whether you and your partner are conservative or liberal, whether you’re straight or gay, whether this is your first marriage or you’ve been married previously, whether you’re religious or not, you can use this workbook to create a powerful and enduring relationship.
- It’s 112 pages long and has nine chapters with sixteen exercises. By completing the exercises and sharing with your partner, you have the opportunity to:
- Awaken to the deepest reasons for joining your lives in marriage
- Envision what you want most from your life together
- Initiate a ritual to sustain your marriage for many years to come
- Create a loving, committed partnership that’s truly ideal for both of you
- We’ve dedicated I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook, to our dear friends Tom and Sharon Parish who during their eighteen-year marriage, modeled profound love and steadfast commitment, and who during Sharon’s recent passing, modeled undeniable grace and courageous letting go. Sharon Parish passed from her mortal form at the age of forty-nine on May 31, 2006. To learn why we loved this remarkable woman so much, visit the weblog created by her husband and our cherished friend, Tom Parish: http://sharonparish.typepad.com.
We’ll be in touch with more news soon. Until then, feel free to ask questions, share your ides about creating magnificent marriages, or tell us how you intend to use the I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook in your life.
Peace,
Shonnie
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