The benefits of writing your own wedding vows

What happens to you in a relationship reflects far more accurately what you really want, or can tolerate, than what you keep on verbally insisting that you want.

~Thomas Patrick Malone & Patrick Thomas Malone

Before I describe the many benefits you’ll enjoy from writing your own marriage/wedding vows, let me clarify how we think “wedding vows” differ from “marriage vows.” In our book, I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook, we use the term “marriage vows.” We do that because we think that:

marriage vows express a “lived intention,” the way you will be with one another–now and through your years together
wedding vows represent words that are merely spoken once on the wedding day, then stored in the wedding photo album or the shoebox of memorabilia

Of course, you can call them what you will, yet at least you understand our frame of reference.

We view marriage as a sacred journey–a living, evolving partnership that grows and changes each day of your life. In The Marriage Vow Workbook, we provide a step-by-step process you can use to write your own vows AND, in the process, establish a solid foundation for your relationship.

By writing your own marriage vows, you are purposefully creating guidelines for your marriage that you intend to follow throughout your time together. As the years pass, your self-authored vows become touchstones to remind you why you made these commitments on your wonderful wedding day, why you resolved to travel this path together.

Here are some of the ways we believe you strengthen your marriage when you use The Marriage Vow Workbook to write your own unique marriage vows.

You’re more committed. Once you’ve purchased The Marriage Vow Workbook, taken the time to complete all the exercises, and written your own marriage vows, you have already invested in your future together and expressed your deepest intentions for making this sacred commitment.

You’re more connected. In sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings about your relationship with your partner as you complete the exercises in this workbook, you will increase your intimacy and deepen your connection to one another–and you’re not even married yet!

You’re more authentic. The marriage vows you write are a true reflection of who you really are. They are consistent with your vision, values, and beliefs. Even if you’re a bit nervous on the day of your wedding, you know your vows by heart because that’s the place from which they arose.

You’re more creative. In writing your own vows, you send forth into the universe the vision of what you are seeking to create. By first imagining what you want in your lives together, you convert those thoughts into possibilities. When you write these possibilities down and then speak them as vows, you transform them into intentions you’re committing to live by. And in sending these intentions out into the universe, you immeasurably increase the likelihood that they will become reality in your shared future.

You’re more conscious. Your marriage vows have the power to support your marriage now and throughout your life with your partner. By creating a ritual to make these commitments part of your daily life, you have a greater opportunity to remain mindful of your actions in all of your relationships . . . including the one you have with yourself.

So, as you can see, there are significant benefits to writing your own marriage vows. Though it takes time, consideration, and willingness, the rewards are so profound that we believe you’ll want to start your marriage in this way.

Download the first 15 pages of The Marriage Vow Workbook (PDF). You might also check out our schedule of classes.

Filed under: Marriage, Vow writing tips by Shonnie |

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[...] our post, “the benefits of writing your own wedding vows,” we outlined five ways you strengthen your relationship by choosing to write your own vows [...]

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