Tips for writing your own marriage vows

In our post, “the benefits of writing your own wedding vows,” we outlined five ways you strengthen your relationship by choosing to write your own vows instead of relying on traditional vows or some “fill in the blanks” formula. While we certainly hope that most of you reading our posts and listening to our podcasts, will buy The Marriage Vow Workbook to guide you through the process of writing your vows, we want to offer all of you some specific tips (no charge, of course).

If you’re not yet sure why you should write your own vows, read our post, “Why should I write my own wedding vows?”

Create a supportive environment. Set aside time that will be uninterrupted and quiet so you can devote your full attention to writing your vows.
Put an agreement in place to be fully present, to really hear one another, and to be supportive of one another while writing your vows.
Open your mind and your heart. Your vows are already within you. Give yourself permission to simply pour out your thoughts and feelings onto paper. You can edit and rewrite later.
Use language that feels natural to you and the way you communicate.
Consider vows that speak the truth about who each of you really are, how you want to be with one another, and what you want to create during your life together.
Create vows that call forth your personal best yet leave room for your humanity when you sometimes fall short.
Notice the feelings that arise as you write your vows. If you feel joy, excitement, love, gratitude, and other positive emotions, you’re on the right track.
Enjoy yourself and have fun. If your mind starts to wander or you find yourself resisting this endeavor, stop for a while. Take a break. Return to the creative process later.
Be completely honest with yourself and your partner. Honesty is a vital component of all enduring relationships, and the process of writing your vows may prompt meaningful conversations with your partner or some deep reflection of your own.
Remember that this process is more about drawing forth your intuitive and emotional wisdom than it is about crafting some grammatically perfect, smooth-sounding sentences. If the vows uplift your spirit, move you to say “yes, yes, yes,” and draw forth a broad smile, you have vows that matter to you and add strength to your life as a couple.

We would love to get your feedback about these tips. Did they support you to successfully write your vows? Did you hit a stumbling block with any of them? Do you have your own tips to add? This is an open conversation, so click the “comments” link to add your voice to the mix.

Filed under: Vow writing tips by Shonnie | on November 1, 2006

1 Comment »

[…] the exercises within each chapter. If you write your vows without such a guidebook, check out our tips for writing your own wedding vows. Banishing indifference — Traditional vows, though familiar, lack many of the benefits that […]

Pingback by Why should I write my own wedding vows? — July 17, 2007 @ 10:13 pm