Yes, you can create the relationship you’ve been longing for. Doing so takes willingness, and it takes commitment. More than anything, however, it requires the awareness that you create your own reality. No one else is responsible. Just you. So if you really want something other than the reality you’re currently living, fully commit to the seven behaviors below and begin creating something different for yourself. You’re welcome to check out a post from my personal blog (“My story and I’m sticking with it”) to learn how my relationship with my wife, Shonnie, was manifested.)
1. Fully commit to one another. Making a commitment to someone is ultimately a matter of choice. So there’s really no excuse not to fully commit to your partner. What’s more, being committed can be deeply liberating. No more looking around for someone better, no more “should I stay or should I go,” no more exit strategies. You’re in all the way, and you can relax and enjoy it.
2. Be clear about your purpose in life and live it fully. Get in touch with your purpose in life. Why are you here? What would you be doing if you didn’t believe you had to earn a living? What will you ultimately do with this one cherished life that you have been given? Discover your individual purposes and support each other to go for them with gusto.
3. Create a compelling vision for your relationship. Envision what you want to create, your biggest dreams for yourselves–individually and together. Then, on a regular basis imagine that your vision has already come to pass, and feel the feelings that accompany this visualization. Presto, you’re on your way to attracting what you want into your life and making it a reality.
4. Make and keep your agreements with one another. Make agreements about how you will be with one another and what you will do together to move yourselves toward your vision. These can be marriage vows, recommitment vows or any other type of agreements you choose. Create a regular ritual during which you review your agreements, speak them aloud to one another and, with no recrimination, recommit to those that you haven’t upheld.
5. Make your word law. When you tell your partner (or anyone else) that you’ll do something, do it. No excuses. When you get right down to it, your word is all you have. By consistently keeping it, you’ll nurture your self-esteem and engender trust between you and your partner.
6. Really listen to one another. Listening is a skill that few truly master. When our partner is speaking, we’re often thinking about our response to what is being said, discounting our partner’s thoughts because they doesn’t match up with our beliefs, wondering what’s for dinner, etc. Practice really listening to your partner, then mirror back what was said so he/she really knows you got the true intention of the words that were spoken.
7. Acknowledge one another regularly. To create a great relationship it’s essential that we really acknowledge our partner’s achievements, be it something they’ve done, something they’ve said or a way of being they’ve exhibited. Some words and phrases that are meant for speaking aloud often and with feeling:
- Well done! Way to go!
- Thank you.
- What I know to be true about you is . . .
- I love you just as you are.
- When I’m with you, I feel . . .
To be continued . . .