Problem-proof your marriage with one simple change
One reason that so many married couples struggle in their relationships is because they focus on their problems. If you and your partner put most of your attention on what’s NOT working, that’s what you’ll create in your marriage. Problems. People don’t like to believe this is true but it is.
Think about it. When you’re fixated on a problem, do you feel good or bad? If you’re like everyone I’ve ever talked to about this idea, you feel bad because the problem is your universe, the whole enchilada. Your marriage is the same way. If you (or your partner, or both of you), keep seeing what’s NOT working, that becomes your universe–a marriage that is NOT working (even though parts of it might be working wonderfully).
On the other hand, when you look around your life thinking, “Wow, my job is great. I have a great relationship. I’m healthy. I just bought a book that’s supposed to be wonderful. I love what I have for lunch today.” you’re going to feel good because your focus is on what IS working. If what’s “right” is where you focus your attention in your marriage, that’s what you’ll create more of–what IS working. So there’s your simple change–shift your focus.
Now, don’t read into my writing anything that says to ignore marital problems or to go to that river in Egypt (you know, ‘De-Nile’) about issues that are wearing and tearing at the fabric of your partnership. I don’t advocate ignorance or denial. If something isn’t working for the two of you–put your hearts and heads together to handle it. Identify what it is you DO want and then take steps to create that new reality for yourselves. While you’re changing that part of your relationship, put your focus on all else that’s good, loving, easy, satisfying, fulfilling, and wonderful about what you already have.
Bottom line: If you focus on what is NOT working about your marriage, you’ll create a marriage that doesn’t work. When you choose to look for, acknowledge, and emphasize what IS working, however, your marriage will become one that works very, very well. (Bruce and my marriage is living proof that when you focus on what’s great, something great is what you create.)
This post is #5 in the series exploring the reasons why couples are unhappy in marriage and, most importantly, how you can make the shift to a happier more satisfying relationship. Read posts 1-Unhappily ever after, 2-Are weddings ruining marriages?, 3-Healthy conversation tips for couples, and 4-Required information on the road to a happy, fulfilling life.
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