Two keys to make your love flourish

Problem: 60% of women aren’t sure if they would remarry their current husbands if given the chance (according to a poll from Woman’s Day/AOL).

Solution: Invest yourself in creating a marriage that you would want to have if given the chance for a “do over.”

If YOUR marriage is in this 60%, there are two useful remedies–
time and loving attention.

Time Together

When I say “time” I literally mean minutes, hours, days spent being with your spouse. For many couples today, time simply being together is rare. “Being” together is not running errands together, or going to your kids soccer games together. It’s just the two of you, undistracted by other responsibilities, sharing time in conversation, lovemaking, dreaming, reconnecting. So take the time, right now, to set time aside on your schedules to be alone together. Make this time inviolable (save death or true disaster)–your relationship is sacred so time for it should be sacrosanct too.

Loving Attention

I specify “loving attention” because I see many people that think that complaining, griping, bitching, and moaning are going to turn their marriage around. Rather than nagging your spouse, whining to your friends, or journaling about your woes, focus yourself on giving positive energy to your relationship in thought, word, and deed. Make it your mission to give only positive reinforcement to your relationship, no matter what. Here are a few concrete examples of what this could look like.

Instead of complaining that your husband works late, invite him to join you for dinner out at his favorite restaurant and then really enjoy the meal together.
Rather than focusing on how your wife is usually late, compliment her on how good it feels to be in her company.
When a friend gripes about her husband, share something you love about your husband and then invite her to do the same.
If you’re angry at your wife for something, be honest with her about your feelings yet do it in a loving and respectful way.

There are plenty of things in our world that we cannot directly control. Fortunately for us, and our marriages, we are masters of ourselves. Choose to invest your time and your loving energy in your relationship–whether you’re currently unhappy or happy–and you will see your love and connection to your partner flourish.

This post is #7 in the series exploring the reasons why couples are unhappy in marriage and, most importantly, how you can create a happier more satisfying relationship. Read posts 1-Unhappily ever after, 2-Are weddings ruining marriages?, 3-Healthy conversation tips for couples, 4-Required information on the road to a happy, fulfilling life, 5-Problem-proof your marriage with one simple change, and 6-Sweet forgiveness — the power tool for healthy marriages.