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Is your relationship beyond help?

If your relationship is beyond help, this is a good thing. How can this be, you may ask. I’ll tell you after I share this quote.

“Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength. Serving is also different from fixing. When I fix a person, I perceive them as broken, and their brokenness requires me to act. The bottom line, of course, is that we can fix without serving. And we can help without serving. And we can serve without fixing or helping. I think that I would go so far as to say that fixing and helping may often be the work of the ego and service the work of the soul. These things may look similar if you’re watching from the outside, but the inner experience is different. The outcome is often different too.”

~ Rachel Naomi Remen, In the Service of Life (PDF)

My contention is this. If your relationship is in the helping stage, you’re not in full partnership. One of you is superior, one is inferior. If you’re in the fixing stage, similar story–one of you is “broken” the other is the fixer-uper. But, if your marriage is one built on service, you’re two equal partners contributing your gifts and sharing the responsibilities and honors of your relationship.


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