“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.”
~ Barnett Brickner
When we hit rough patches at work, it’s common to look for someone to blame. When we don’t like what’s happening in our communities, governments, and churches we easily complain about who’s at fault. It’s no different in our marriages. Many of us tend to point the finger at our partner when we argue or when something’s gone wrong.
There are many problems we create when we blame our spouse for our dyad dilemmas.
- Our partner usually gets more upset since they’re now being labeled as THE guilty party.
- We abdicate our ability to rectify the situation because when we make someone else responsible we become the powerless victim.
- We create a relationship imbalance (one person is “up,” the other is “down”) which makes us susceptible to another pendulum swing sometime in the future.
- Our problem still exists and, if anything, it’s now worse than before we started blaming.
Relationship problems are relationship problems. They involve two people (in this case), both of whom played active roles in creating the problem. So, the next time you’re in a spat with your spouse, ask yourself, “What did I do that helped make this situation happen?” Though it’s initially more sobering to take responsibility for your role, it’s a faster, and smoother route to reconnecting than blaming can ever provide.