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Creating Passionate Commitment

Earlier this month we were interviewed by Coach Iris Benrubi about passionate commitment. We first familiarized our audience with the five levels of commitment from the Commitment Scale in our book I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook:

  • Uncommitted—Disconnected entirely from your partner
  • Obligated—Begrudging participation, duty-bound
  • Desiring—Wishing for a deeper connection
  • Committed—Connected to one another as allies, equals
  • Passionate commitment (or inspired)—Synergistic partnership, deep connection to one another as well as connection to the world-at-large

Though we may move up and down the scale, the idea is to spend most of one’s time on the committed end of it.

But how do you fully commit to your significant other, whether in a new relationship or in an existing relationship? We offer the following suggestions. You can learn much more about each of these strategies in our book.

  • Choice—Choose to be committed, then keep your focus on this choice.
  • Vision—Create a joint vision, a vivid mental picture, for the future of your relationship together, and bring that vision into your consciousness on a regular basis.
  • Vows—Craft vows or commitments about how you will be one another.
  • Live your vows—Put practices in place that support you to be intentional about keeping your commitments to yourself and to one another.
  • Daily housekeeping—Handle all disconnections from your partner as they arise, stepping over nothing; work through conflict and bring yourself back to connection.
  • Empathic listening—Make a conscious effort to truly hear and understand your partner’s point of view.
  • Forgiveness—Refuse to hold ill will and clean up resentments as you go. Ask for and offer forgiveness for all transgressions.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact us. Review the first 15 pages of I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook (PDF format).